Why I deleted my Facebook App

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Keeping up with the Joneses sometimes gets to be a little too much. After becoming a mom, I find myself constantly comparing everything H and I are doing to what other moms are doing and more often than not I feel like I’m coming up short. A wise mama once told me “Stop should-ing yourself!”, which is great in theory but has been difficult for me to put into action.

Everytime I log into Facebook or Instangram, I’m seeing happy mamas post about their babies rolling over, scooting and crawling and starting to pull themselves up. I’m inundated with exciting milestones that should be celebrated, but instead all I can see is green.

The worst part is, my mommy friends are awesome but I was starting to feel a little angry towards them, even though I know I’m going to be shouting it from the rooftops when H does start crawling, etc. These moments that they’re sharing are not done so in a “na-na-na boo boo” way, but for some reason I still can’t shake the competitive highschooler out of my head.

When I should be happy for them, all I’m doing is questioning my mothering. Am I not doing enough to inspire him? Should I be doing something else? Am I not “monkey see, monkey do”ing enough? Is that why he’s not rolling or scooting? Am I holding too much and preventing him from hitting milestones because of that? Should I put him down on his own more often so he can figure it out? Is there something wrong with him that he can’t find the mechanical skills necessary to be able to physically do it?

It always boils down to the fact that I’m doing something wrong, why is that? My husband only ever tells me how awesome of a job he thinks I’m doing, I’m home with him everyday and do my best to make sure all of his developmental needs (artistic, cognitive, emotional, motor, sensory, language) are met through activities all day, but why do I still feel like I’m falling short?

I was so caught up in comparing what milestones H was crossing off that I realized I was missing so many little moments. Saturday the 26th I was re-watching a video of a mama friends 6 month old crawling for the third time when I noticed it was quiet. I looked up and saw H staring directly at me, and when I returned his gaze he gave me such a big smile. I honestly have no idea how long he had been looking at me and I was crushed. I locked my screen and put the phone to the side, picked him up and gave him a huge hug.

Facebook was draining me of living in the moment with H, so I did something about it. Now I no longer get the million notifications every day that I can’t help but check on, and end up feeling guilty over. I’m still working on the jealousy issue, but I know soon enough H will be zooming across the floors faster than I can keep up so right now I’m reveling in the fact that he enjoys cuddling and is non-mobile. In fact, the day after I deleted Facebook and started playing with him more, he rolled over back to front and front to back, very intentionally. It was like he was giving me some validation, a sign that he knew I was worried and he could do big things if he wanted to, but that he’s just stubborn (I wonder where he gets that from…) and wanted to do things on his own schedule. Also? I discovered H could turn the pages of his books by himself, he has started clapping, and that he loves when a dog licks his toes, not to mention I’m sleeping so much better.

The first two days were really hard, like really really embarrassingly hard, but it’s gotten easier.

Yes, I still have my phone with me 75% of the time, but that’s because I can’t help but take pictures of H constantly. He is so fascinated by everything right now that I want to capture as much of his wonder and joy as possible so that I can relive it later.

 

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One thought on “Why I deleted my Facebook App

  1. Oh sweetie. I’m so glad that you deleted your app if it was causing you that much stress. All babies develop SOOO differently! There is a little guy the same age as Autumn that we see at the pediatrician who weighed 11 lbs at birth. It took him until year to start crawling around because he had so much more mass to pack around than our little 7 lb Autumn, but he caught up just fine and surpassed her almost instantly because his muscles were so much stronger!

    We’ve also been playing with Bear (up the street from us) who is 7 days older than Autumn, and they really couldn’t be more different in skill set, in personality, in what distresses them, etc. A has a million words, but is not very coordinated and has no idea how to entertain herself despite much effort on my part. B is the most physically developed little person I’ve ever seen, but has maybe 20 words and will happily play by himself for hours. A still sticks everything in her mouth, B could care less about that annoying habit. A falls sleep easily, B takes over an hour to settle down. But once asleep, A is fitful, and B sleeps all night like a champ. A is showing little interest in potty training, despite the fact that “most girls are ready earlier”, and B is interested and progressing earlier than expected. A cries when B looks at her funny or doesn’t follow her bossy directions, B is a little surfer dude and nothing phases him except bedtime. BOTH kids are happy, healthy, and developmentally appropriate.

    Also remember that on social media, you are comparing your reality to someone else’s highlight reel. I don’t often post on FB about the nights that Autumn has said only “NO!” for 4 hours, had 6 tantrums, bit Daddy, and I’m ready to send her to be raised by wolves. There aren’t many posts about how the added stress of having a kid can affect the relationship with your spouse. Nor posts about tension with in-laws or financial difficulties or wanting to quit a job or worrying that your kid is acting like a spoiled brat, because it’s just a phase, right???? But all of that is there, along with the snuggles and smiles and new baby milestones and funny stories and blossoming friendships.

    I think if you could pull back the curtain on the lives of the those people you are envious of, you would find another REAL life, rife with progress and delays, joy and distress, and a whole other set of insecurities or issues that cause them to look at you with envy. Even if your fears were realized, and little Harrison was behind a bit, I’m certain you wouldn’t love him any less. All any person can do is the best they can with the tools they have available.

    ::hugs::
    Sara

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