I’ve been debating writing this post for a while. I keep starting one, and then walking away and coming back to it a few days later only to walk away again. I started this blog to have a place to come where I could talk about anything, so here goes.
I am so ready to not be pregnant anymore. Yes, I’m only 35 weeks, and I know that “full term” is considered starting at 37 weeks, and I would never wish a premature baby for myself, but I am miserable. I know pregnancy is a wonderful thing, and that I should be enjoying every minute of it – but I’m not. To be fair though, I haven’t had much chance to enjoy it.
We’ve had several scares with this pregnancy so far – Up until our 20 week appointment, we were being told that because of a medical condition, I had a 20% chance of miscarrying – and while 20% may not seem like a lot, 1 in 5 is terrifyingly small. I was put on a modified bed rest and told to “take it easy”, which has never been my strong suit. I went from a person who biked and ran and hiked and was generally very active to someone who wasn’t allowed to do those things.
Once we were given the all clear, we had a little while to enjoy everything baby, and we even bought a few clothes for our little man.
Then, around 26 weeks, my nausea and “morning” sickness came back. It started with only getting sick a few times a day and escalated pretty quickly. My doctors were stumped as to why the medications they were giving me weren’t working and suggested several things – have you tried cold water? What about room temperature? Have you tried lemonade? Or Gingerale? Or Sprite? Have you tried not eating and drinking together? Have you tried eating smaller meals? Popsicles? Saltines? Plain foods? Do you take the medication 30 minutes before you eat? Have you tried taking it every 6 hours instead of every 8? Why don’t we add on this other medication? Or this one? Or this one?
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes. I was asked the same questions week after week and my answers were always the same. I know they were just going through the laundry lists in their heads of possible remedies, but my answers have not changed from week to week – why would I continue in a habit that is making me miserable? Obviously I don’t enjoy not being able to keep down any liquids or most solids, and want to try anything I can to feel better, as long as it is safe for the baby.
My doctor started getting concerned around 30 weeks as I wasn’t gaining any weight and had actually managed to lose a few pounds. The baby’s heartbeat was still very strong, but I had begun to have contractions many nights after getting sick so much, and that’s not a good sign at 10 weeks prior to your due date. I couldn’t have a sip of water (or soda or soup or anything liquid) without running to the bathroom immediately, or eat anything without getting sick. Sometimes it was right away, sometimes it was 30 minutes after I ate, and other times it was an hour or two afterwards. I was waking up 2 to 4 times a night to get sick, and that plus getting up every 45 minutes to pee means not sleeping well.
The vomiting got so bad that around 33 weeks, Zach had to take me to labor and delivery because I was throwing up blood, and a lot of it, and had accompanying back pain and contractions. I cried the entire way to the hospital, because it felt like my body was failing me, and I didn’t know what I had done to deserve this (yes, I’m whiny, but give me a break, I was miserable and freaking out at how much blood I was throwing up). They hooked me up to a few IVs, drew some blood for labs, monitored the baby and his heartbeat and then sent us home 6 hours later.
My doctor called me the next day to come in for an appointment, and she told me that I was very dehydrated and because I was getting sick all the time (at this point, it was every time I ate or drank anything, around 10-15 times a day) I had very likely burst a vessel – hence the blood that I was throwing up. At this point, I knew I only had 6-7 weeks left, and did not want to be put on any more medication. I know my doctor knows what she’s doing, but I’d rather suck it up for a few weeks than worry about the possible side effects the medications may cause. She didn’t like my answer and told me that if I continued down this road, I would very easily go into preterm labor and could have more complications for myself.
She also told me that I had what is called Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Basically, I have extreme and persistent nausea and vomiting that lead to my dehydration. Usually, pregnant women have it in their first and maybe second trimester, but it doesn’t “normally” pop up or last until the third trimester. It’s nice to put a name to what’s happening, and know that other women are having the same issues, but it sucks. Not to mention that working retail is not fun when you’re getting sick all day.
Now, I have a new routine. Every few days I have to go to my delivering hospital and get an IV with two bags of liquids to try and help out my symptoms and get my levels back to where they should be. While it hasn’t solved the problem, it has helped me feel a little better that at least the baby is getting some nutrients and is staying hydrated and I have stopped losing weight (actually I gained a little, which my doctor was super excited about). Not to mention it gives me about 2.5 hours where I can get some stuff done, I get to know the nurses who I will be delivering with and I’m getting a really great lay of the Labor and Delivery unit at my hospital! (Look at me looking at the bright side of things!)
I’m still getting the contractions and throwing up in strange toilets, but the light at the end of the tunnel is so close. I’m currently 35 weeks, meaning I only have a little over a month to go, and I’m hoping I’ll forget about feeling so miserable once I get to see our sweet baby boy’s face and belly and fingers and toes.
It’s hard to focus on the positives when you’re feeling like crap and dot have an outlet to vent to. It’s my fault, though, because I’m not sharing what’s going on. My parents, much to my chagrin, have been telling a few people that I’ve been getting really sick, but I didn’t want people knowing because I didn’t want their pity – or to be really honest, I didn’t want their advice. I know that may sound rude and callous, but as soon as people hear I am getting sick, they chime in with all of the things that helped them get through their first trimester. While I appreciate them trying to help, I can guarantee you that I’ve tried everything family, friends, Dr. Google, my doctors and Pinterest have suggested, and nothing has helped so far. It’s just one of those things you live with and hopefully if we decide to have another baby, I will either know what I’m in store for, or have a much easier time.
Vent over 🙂
In other news, and most importantly, our baby is growing and super healthy and we can’t wait to meet him next month!
Hopefully this coming week I will be able to start posting more frequently as I feel better!